One of the greater challenges of life is finding your place. Finding people who make you feel empowered and
happy, those you can truly call friends. However, in an increasingly virtual world, with a post-pandemic
weariness of social interaction, it can be especially difficult for young people to form meaningful relationships
with one another. What I hope to show through this article is a retelling of my experience with friendship, and
how the strategies that helped me connect with individuals for a long period of time.
Let me preface and say that friendships happen organically. You cannot force anybody to be friends with you,
much like you would not enjoy being forced to see someone you don't want to. BUT, what you can do is both
maximize your chances of meeting people and put in the effort to solidify friendships with those you enjoy
spending time with. Okay, so let's unpack this one by one:
Firstly, how did I maximize my chances of meeting people? Well, in my pre-teen and teenage years I moved a
lot, both from a different country to Canada when I was ten, but also between houses, schools and provinces
since then. Every time I moved, regardless of how big or small, whenever I arrived at my new setting I felt
lonely, which prompted me to develop a system. Every start to the new academic year in a new environment, I
would follow two rules:
1) Join as many activities as you possibly can (while still maintaining a healthy sleep and study schedule).
2) Start a conversation with anybody you are near to for more than five minutes.
Joining clubs or teams at the start of the year allows you to enter a setting where you will undoubtedly find
people that are also new and have similar interests to your own. Additionally, starting conversations can be as
easy as saying "Hey, my name is [your name], I don't think I've met you." It may not always work out and they
may not want to talk, but in the cases they do, you give yourself the opportunity to connect with someone new.
If you are a bit on the shy side, try talking to people in your classes, it is a safer setting where if it does not go
as planned you can refocus on the course material to avoid any unwanted awkwardness.
Secondly, putting in the effort. Friendships cannot exist without compatibility, but what people don't realize, and
what I didn't realize for a long time, is that stalls in the process of forming friendships do not necessarily mean
incompatibility. For example, you talked to someone and then you see them the next day in the hallway, while
they are talking to someone else, you should acknowledge them with a smile or saying hi. I often did not do
this, because I thought that if they wanted to they would, but the reality is that they probably think the same
thing, and so you both get caught up in this wall of awkwardness that keeps the friendship from reaching its
true fruition.
So my advice is be the one to take that first step, and then also be the one to show interest in maintaining your
initial connection. This will vary from case to case, but it may mean you ask to exchange social media
information or to eat lunch together, whatever it may be, the best thing you can do is ensure you put all the
effort you can into establishing friendships with those with whom you have an organically good time with.
Before I leave I would like to just make two more important points:
1) Putting in the effort is especially important in the beginning, but if the friendship becomes one-sided that
is not something I would want to continue. Try and find individuals that seem as excited to see you as
you are to see them.
2) Do not be discouraged if it doesn't work out. Some people won't want to open up, and that is okay,
because there will always be others who do.
